Path to Nirvana

Nirvana – n. 1)state of spiritual perfection in which one has no needs or desires. 2) state of great happiness and complete contentment.

One think came to my mind as I was walking one night together with my mom. I suddenly wondered. Then a question popped up into my mind, “Ano nga bang problema ko?” (What’s could have been my problem?) The truth is that even I couldn’t answer myself. I tried to think about all the things I fear and feel sad of but I was surprised that I couldn’t think of anything. I was even shocked! It seems like there’s nothing to worry about. I couldn’t even blame my sickness as the cause of my depression. Why? I have enjoyed life even I’m inside our home. I was not really bored at all. Imagine, 5 years had already past since I got this illness and didn’t even notice how long it has been. How fast time flies! It just suddenly made me laugh.

I have been long worried about the things that are not important at all and it’s funny to think that I still have to undergo depression just to realize that. I never knew that I was already free until now. I didn’t expect God to grant my wishes so early. I even thought He has already forgotten me, but I was wrong. Suddenly all the pressure around me has gone. I felt like I was different, not the person I was before. I never felt this happiness before and I thank God for all that He has done to me. He has arranged my life and finally everything’s going fine. It is as if my world has been almost perfect. I know it’s not really perfect but at least I can find something good, beautiful and funny to think about. So why worry? Be happy! It’s true that God hears our prayers. He’s just waiting for the right time so let’s be patient. Never give up asking and seeking for Him.

We have said that no person lives and dies without a problem. But what is a really problem? When does problem become a problem? It is when we feel pain, sadness, anger, fear, worry, insecurity, and shame. The one that causes these emotions are called problems. Soulution? Fight it using humor. Remember, laughter is the best medicine. There is power in humor. You can’t change everything but you can change the way you think about things. Think about the positive side of things cause there’s always something good in it. God created everything with an opposite. That simply means if there is negative, there is positive and if there is evil, there will be always good. This is what you call balance and balance is what makes the world perfect. But there is an ongoing battle between good and evil. Since God is good, good will always conquer all in the end. Nice isn’t it? So don’t let your emotions bring you down. Aja! Fight!

Every living thing on earth has its primary needs to live. Another cause of problem is lack of our personal needs. Solution? Get up and move. Work hard and love your work that you may truly enjoy it. Just like animals, we also need to do something to get what we need. We’re not plants afterall who can do photosynthesis and make own food. You can’t even be like Juan Tamad (Lazy John) because you might be already dead before the fruit starts to fall from the tree. Besides that, every creature has the ability to adapt. What more of humans? Humans are smarter and God gave us brains to use, so why not use it? What a waste if we’re not going to use our abilities and talents.

Let’s proceed to desire. These are things that we want to achieve but not really classified under personal needs. They couldn’t be that important afterall. For example, jewellery. Although it could be beautiful body decorations, you don’t need them at all. You could still go on living without them. But sometimes we get too attached on these material things that we become too obsessed with it that once it got lost we become so depressed. We become a slave of that object and it will be hard to get it over with. Like a drug isn’t it? Solution: Overcome your desires. Don’t be too attached to material things. These things can’t be brought with you when you die and someday these can be lost and destroyed.

Another problem is social pressure. Everybody wants attention and affection. We all need somebody. Quoted, no man is an island. We all want to feel that we belong. We want to feel important. And because of this desire, we strive to catch other’s attention. But sometimes social pressure, can stress us. We try to do what others expect or want of us. For example, sometimes our parents force us to do something and our barkada (gang) wants us to be like them in many ways. And if we don’t reach their expectations, we receive criticisms and insults. The result is we get embarrassed and this also hurts our pride. Solution? Don’t let them affect you. So what? As long as you’re not doing anything wrong and you are not trying to hurt or step into somebody’s rights and dignity. What is important is that you have a clean conscience and you have no feelings of guilt in your heart. If they can’t accept you for what you are, well sorry for them. It’s not your problem anyway but theirs. And besides, I have formulated a theory of my own. I’m sure you have noticed it too. I call it Theory of Chain Reaction. It states that how you react affects other people’s reaction and way of treatment towards you. For example, I was walking when I saw you and gave you a sour and irritating look. Your natural tendency is to look at me with hate and disgust. It can even start a fight even without any reason at all. It’s almost similar to Law of Action and Reaction, which states that for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction. We should remember that what you give, comes back to you. That’s why we have this golden rule “Don’t do unto others, what you don’t want others to do unto you.” So always remember: Smile and the world smiles with you.

Sometimes I think why do we experience fear? What are we scared of? I will enumerate some of them:
1)Spirits. But why are we scared of them? We all have our own soul, isn’t it? When we die, we become just like one of them.
2)Dark. Are you afraid of the dark? There is nothing to fear of. It’s just that we cannot see our surroundings. Our eyes could adjust at any moment. Even blind people could adjust. You don’t need to be scared as long as you have lights too. It’s just like fearing nothing at all.
3)Pain and sickness. It’s a stimulus. All people are vulnerable to wounds and pains. No person lives and dies without getting sick in some part of our lives. That’s why we should take good care of our bodies and strengthen our immunity because this protects us from sickness.
4)Death. Why are we afraid to die? Isn’t wonderful to be free from this heavy body? We won’t experience tiredness, hunger and suffering if we are already in heaven. (I don’t recommend suicide because your soul won’t even rest in peace.)
5)Crime. We’re scared of beong victims. But we won’t be a victim if we know how to defend ourselves. Just always be careful and be alert.
6)Poverty. We shouldn’t worry about this as long as you start saving and preparing for the rainy days. Be resourceful and smart in handling your wealth. Learn more things that you may be able to find a good job. Be versatile.
7)Loss of a loved one. We all don’t want to be left alone and we don’t want to lose the important people in our lives. Just remind yourself that we will still someday meet in heaven (or hell… hehe!) You can also ask God for the soul of your loved one to guide you and be with you for the rest of your life. Just don’t be scared if he or she suddenly appears in front of you.
8)Enemies. Just make friends. We should all settle each others differences. Listen to each other’s opinion. Violence is not a solution. It will only make things worse. It’s better if you just talk it over. Be humble enough to say I’m sorry and admit your mistakes humbly with all your heart. Be honest with your feelings and surely that person will understand you.
9)Parents and teachers. It’s true! But thanks to God and I have overcome it. Just pray to God for your family to have a harmonious relationship and a happy, prosperous and secured home. The members should have an open communication, unity, love, respect and understanding.
10)Phobias. It’s all in the mind. Learn to face your fears. Nothing will happen if you hide and be like a chicken. Be calm that you may be in the right state of mind. Pressure and worry could only worsen your fear and hinder you from thinking rightly. Once you get over it, you may think it’s not bad at all. You may even enjoy it.

Sometimes fear and doubt is only an illusion. We want everything to be perfect but it can’t be possible. We should always know when to bend with wind or when to fight back. Life is like a duel. We are always fighting with something invisible. Sometimes we are fighting with ourselves.

Life is also a game. We only need to play and enjoy it. (Thanks to Judai Yuki for the idea.) We only live once on this planet so let’s take the opportunity. Don’t waste time on useless things. Why not try making your life worth living while on earth? You want to die happily and satisfied, don’t you?

I admit I have thought of suicide. (I thought only but not attempted.) It happened that I really wanted to die and I don’t care anymore what happens to me. I hoped to be in coma and never to wake up again. I wanted to leave everything behind because I was so tired of life. I just wanted to sleep eternally. Then I thought that if God still really wants me to live, I hoped that I would wake up one day and have an amnesia that I may forget my past and start everything anew once again. Everything I thought of was negative and even small things became a big nuisance to me. I lost interest even in the things I loved. All I wanted was to scream for help but I knew no one could help me not even my family, friends or psychiatrist. I was really sorry that I almost lost hope in God and that I couldn’t do what He expects of me. But still I prayed that He won’t give up on me and I asked Him to forgive a bad girl like me. I was fighting with myself every second of my life. My spirit was drowning in deep pain and sorrow. I was expecting God to take me away anytime. I felt lost and alone. I felt He has left me on my own. I was looking, searching for Him but I couldn’t feel Him around me. I even sometimes feel scared of everything around me. I knew it was unreasonable and I felt like I was going out of my mind. All my parents did was make me happy and comfortable. Still there are people who showed concern and care. I wished I could live for them but…

suddenly one day, while my mom and I were walking in our subdivision, I remembered a funny feeling like I was forgetting something I couldn’t remember at all. I tried to recall but I really couldn’t find out what it was. It was only a few days after that I realized that the war was finally over. It felt like I just overcame death and I was resurrected, all born again and renewed. I don’t feel regret anymore in past and I started to see the good and beauty in everything. It’s funny to think that I’m still 18 yrs old but I felt like I have been already experienced. Now I’m ready to face reality and step into the world. What a wonderful life! I’m starting to feel hopeful and positive about my future and I don’t feel scared anymore. I have to prove it and I will! I know that this is not the end of it, but only the start of a new chapter. Next level, game ka na ba? Game na!

Now I finally know my mission in life. All I have to do is start to act and I could start NOW!

Now I understand what my life means. I can see the whole picture so clearly now. I have already found the piece of puzzle I am looking for a long time. The hindrance has been removed. My questions about life have already been answered. And I just found out the pattern. Now I can see the path oh so clearly. All I can do is praise God and I thank Him for revealing to me the secrets of life and I promise that I would do my best to take care of it. So I’m offering myself to the service of God and my fellowmen. I know that before I could help others, we should first help ourselves. And now I’m ready to extend a helping hand. I know we all wanted change, but how could we change the world if we couldn’t even change ourselves for the better. Then it should start with us. If one person stands, the rest will follow.

I didn’t know I was learning all along. Even I’m all locked up in a small world, I still found ways to gain knowledge. Life is a school. God is our sensei (teacher) and we are his students. We are once innocent but we all accumulate knowledge as we grow up. Problems are tests of life and it’s up to us how we could pass. No one could answer the questions about life for you. You have to find them out for yourself. God only teaches us but he won’t give the answers straight to you. Where could we find the answer? In your self. Around you. In all of His creations. Each little thing may it be a living or non-living, holds a certain order that will help us solve our problems. That is why I started a blog. I wanted to test myself and use my life as an experiment to answer life’s questions. I didn’t realize I was already personally studying Philosophy and I’m becoming a philosopher too. It was fun learning in your own way!

We are mini gods too, you know. God created us in His image and likeness. God is an artist. He loves to create. Every second, he creates new ones and erases another. The way we create something is like the way God created us humans. Take for example an author. First, He creates the setting. Then he makes his own characters. We are these characters. He makes the good (protagonist) and the bad ones (antagonist). Too add excitement to the story, he adds conflict. A story without conflict is boring, right? There is man vs. man, man vs. nature and man vs. himself. The point-of-view is third-person omniscient. In other words, God knows what each of his characters are thinking. Life has many themes and hidden messages. To find the clues, we have to read the Bible. Our story has been already written and our lines surely are already scripted.

To make it clear let’s make it a metaphor. I realized this when I was reflecting on my own stories. I love writing fanfics. I even made this so-called “Fool House” where I created my own anime world and I have my own original character. I can compare myself to a god and Pikori, my main character, to the Sent One. Pikori and I are one but she was my original character who embodies me. (with the exeption of other characters since I only borrowed them from their respective manga authors because I have a hard time thinking of characterizations). It comes that Pikori is my favourite character and since I like her I had given her all that she needed. She may not be perfect and foolish things have been happening inside the house but since she’s the favourite of the author (that’s me) you’d surely agree that in the end she will survive no matter what. The other characters have been close to Pikori. Some she hated, some she also liked. It’s funny to think that as Pikori bonds with the other character, it is as if I myself have already bonded with them. Gaara, even he is my one of my favourites, still I didn’t let him escape trouble, but since I like him, I killed him in one chapter but revived him again in another episode. Tayuya is same. I let the log fall down on her but revived her again. Shikamaru, I love to annoy this one, but I also like him. Kisame, the antagonist devilish walking shark, ah he’s got no hope! He’ll be the loser no matter what. Well, that solves the mystery isn’t it? I already gave you tips and clues. It’s up to you to understand what I wrote.

We humans are weak and incomplete. That is why we need God. If you notice, all people wanted to adore something in their life. We are always looking for someone to look up to and adore. It could be a person, an object, character or even ourselves. But if it is God that we worship, surely our life could be complete. Centrum, anyone? :P

So what to do? Pray. Read the Bible. Accept. Adapt. Listen. Learn. Live a virtuous life. Love.

Proverbs 1:7 To have knowledge, you must first have reverence for the Lord.

Proverbs 2:2-6 Listen to what is wise and try to understand it. Yes, beg for knowledge; plead for insight. Look for it as hard as you would for silver or some hidden treasure. If you do, you will know what it means to fear the Lord and you will succeed in learning about God. It is the Lord who gives wisdom; from Him comes knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 3:15-18 Wisdom is more valuable than jewels; nothing you could want can compare with it. Wisdom offers you long life, as well as wealth and honor. Wisdom can make your life pleasant and lead you safely through it. Those who become wise are happy; wisdom will give them life.

PS: Thank you to everybody who has become a part of my life. //^_^\\ God bless you and I love all of you!!!