Although the year was one of my most memorable years (for I have been quite popular with the class and gathered more friends than before) , still emptiness filled within me. Why? Coz I know my bestfriend was very mad at me. I felt that she hated me so much. She was jealous of my friend, and I was jealous of hers.
I endured humiliation, sorrow and pain during those times. It was very difficult to pass by her and her friends and see the cold look in her eyes and hear her inflicting words to me. I knew that most of the time they talk about me. But never did I fight back. I only kept quiet, humbled myself, walk along, turn my head away and silently cry. All I wanted was to bring back the good old times. We tried, but it seemed hopeless. No one could bring back the warm feelings we had once.
From time to time, I still wrote her letters. Letters that I hope would ease the tension between us. I sometimes feel her heart melt for me, but still nothing can ever close the gap that torn us apart. But still I never gave up, I still call her on the phone to greet her and talk to her although all I hear from the other side were sarcastic and naive remarks. I still find some way to talk to her alone, and even share with her my secrets, without even caring if she will betray my trust or not. All I know is that my feeling for her did not change. She is still and will always be my bestfriend.
Even though she proudly replaced me with a new bestfriend and even my heart was torn into pieces whenever I see them together, I never blamed her nor even had a single pinch of hatred in her, because simply I love her. I even wrote her new bestfriend a letter telling her to take good care of her and that I wish them happiness. It's really a pain to realize that nothing will ever bring you back together. I tried to explain my feelings in the letters but still I hid a part of it inside coz I don't want anyone else to get hurt. Her friends are the cause of my pain, but I don't want to tell her because they are her friends. But still they are her friends so I have to respect them the way they are.
Years passed, we had no news of each other, but still whenever anyone asked me about my best friend, my answer is simply all about her and the memories we shared. She may have had new friends but my heart only stuck to her. She may not felt the same for me, but still I always thought of her and prayed for her.
I cannot imagine how I endured those lonely years of longing, nostalgia and hopelessness. I lived only to study and dreamed only of the past. Whenever I dream of her, I cry when I wake up.
I don't care what others will say >_< , but I say my illness is a blessing in disguise. When I got ill, I called her up. I sent her letters and little gifts. And when she visited me, she stayed there for a night. And slowly, my friendship with her was restored as if we didn't go through all those tumultuous times. Every vacation, she visits me and stays until night. From time to time we call each other just to see how's everything going and after our conversation I do feel as light as ever. As I said, if I haven't got sick I won't be able to get all the things that I wanted most in life, and that includes our friendship.
I never found anyone who can be compared to my bestfriend. She is the first and only one who has listened and understood me. She opened my eyes to the other side of life. She made me feel my longing for individuality and freedom. I always admired her for being true to herself and to others. I even acquired some of my present qualities in her: her eccentricities, sense of humor, wit, philosophies in life, creativity, and resourcefulness. She is one of those who first taught me to be original. We may not be common at all aspects but I accepted, embraced and loved the whole of her even her dark side.
I asked God for a best friend, and He gave me her at the time when others had left me alone. And even when my mother was suddenly against her, I stood up, cried and fought for her. I will never again take the risk of losing her coz I know I found a true friend in her. If I just could, I wish I could give her what she wanted, but all I can give are the simplest things that I can do. My prayer for her is that she would find the true path of peace and happines. And so I say to Yoh: "Arigato gozaimasu, ichiban nakano ii tomodachi. Watashi wa anata ga suki desu! Sayonara wa iwanai!!!"
"The greatest happiness is seeing the one you love stay happy." -- Tomoyo Daidouji, CardCaptor Sakura
" It would be wonderful if they loved me back, but it is not necessary. As long as they are happy then I am too." --Tomoyo Daidouji, CardCaptor Sakura
"If you love someone, you love them even if you can't see each other very often" --Rika, CardCaptor Sakura
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